When Your Husband Leaves The Forces

 

As an ex naval wife I know only too well how difficult the transition from service life to civvy life can be. NOT only for the man but also for the wife and family. It can be a very stressful time for everyone. You have spent years supporting your partner and family through deployments and  military conflicts – you have been the anchor and stability at home.

The one that kept it all together.

I used to say that I was married to the navy, because like it or not, it has a huge impact on YOUR life.  Any decisions that you make have to take into account the fact of where your husband was going to be at the time.  You may have even put your career on hold so that you could be with him when he was around.

You may have moved a few times when he was stationed in different parts of the UK or abroad, just so that you could spend time with him and the family.  And now all eyes are on the person leaving the forces.

But behind the scenes and as always, you are left dealing with the fallout and trying to support them and keep the family unit together.

It can be a very difficult time. You are all getting used to being together, when perhaps you may have spent many years apart. That in itself can be a real eye opener.  And are you finding that there is a power battle going on? What do I mean by that? Well for example:

 You may have spent years running the household

  • ensuring the bills are paid
  • doing the garden
  • making sure the car is MOTd and serviced

Making sure the kids are ok

  • running them around
  • watching them play football or rugby on cold pitches in the middle of winter
  • helping them through school
  • attending the dreaded parent/teacher evenings on your own
  • making sure they do their homework etc.

Then all of a sudden that isn’t your job anymore and you are made to feel inadequate.

Your husband is trying to take over everything that you used to do.  Nothing that you do seems to be right.  He is criticising everything that you do. How on earth does he think that you managed all of this time when he wasn’t around?

This can make you feel very resentful and angry.

How can I help you?

Everyone is going through change, the children included, and as usual you are expected to be the rock, the one who everyone turns to.  But you may need help too. You may just need someone to talk to who understands the situation that you find yourself in and can empathise with you.

 Someone that:

  • You can talk honestly to.
  • You can open up to, who won’t judge you or tell you to just get on with it.
  • Who will understand what you are going through and how you feel.
  • Who will give you the space to talk.
  • Who won’t interrupt you or give you solutions.
  • That you can trust and know that what you say will not be repeated to anyone.

If some of what I have said resonates with you and you feel that you will benefit from having a confidential chat then please do contact me and we can arrange to have a call.